
Fifty Shades Of Grey Review — From Dark Pewter To Wet Cement & Every Naughty Shade In Between — PHOTOS
This article provides a unique and humorous review of the concept of 'fifty shades of grey' in anticipation of the *Fifty Shades of Grey* film release. It begins by discussing the various interpretations of the title from the book series, including Christian Grey's name, his refusal to see the world in black and white, the evolution of his character, and his self-proclamation of being 'fifty shades of f***ked up.' The piece then shifts to a playful review of different shades of the color grey, ranging from paint chips to pop culture references.
The author humorously dissects paint colors such as 'Dark Ash,' which is associated with negative imagery of cigarettes and rain. 'Flagstone Grey' is appreciated for its literal and unpretentious honesty, while 'Philosophical Grey' and 'Intellectual Grey' are met with skepticism for their self-important names. 'Cool Metalwork Grey' is imagined as a compliment. 'Dawn Grey' is critiqued for not reflecting the actual vibrant colors of dawn, suggesting it might represent a post-dystopian future. 'Flint Smoke Grey' is deemed too confusing due to its literal translation. 'Grant Grey' is questioned for its non-descriptive name.
The article continues with reviews of 'Charcoal Coast,' which is preferred as a Depression-era painting title, and 'Dark Silk Grey,' which prompts a question about its shininess. 'Silversmith Grey' evokes a romanticized image of an old-timey metalworker. 'Castle Wall Grey' is described as dark and mysterious, reminiscent of *Game of Thrones*. 'Song Sparrow' is seen as an attempt to make a drab color more appealing. 'Old Monterey Grey' challenges the notion that old things were devoid of color. 'East Facing' is praised for being a light shade that barely qualifies as grey. 'Creek Bend' is criticized for misrepresenting the actual colors of a creek. 'Evening White' is dismissed for being white, not grey. 'Planetary Silver' is liked for its aesthetic appeal, while 'Lunar Surface' is humorously disappointing for not being cheese-colored.
Further reviews include 'Anonymous,' which is deemed politically charged due to the hacker group. 'Distant Star' is found to inaccurately represent star colors. 'Sage Gray' is acknowledged for its greenish tint. 'Gray Crest' is described as non-offensive but unexciting. 'Silent Film' is appreciated for evoking nostalgic imagery. 'Strong Winds' is noted as being colorless. 'Naturalist Gray' is given a dismissive 'meh.' 'Bonsai Trunk' is considered literal but reminds the author of wartime. 'Black Bamboo' sparks intrigue about its existence. 'Dark Pewter' is deemed dull. 'Mined Coal' prompts a question about regular coal's appearance.
The article then reviews 'Seagull Gray,' which evokes unpleasant associations with the beach. 'Silver Marlin' is highly praised for a kitchen color. 'Still Gray' is humorously linked to a rash. 'Gray Hearth' is contrasted with the warmth of a hearth. 'Stone Grey' is found to be boring and literal. 'Mansard Stone' evokes Victorian London.
Pop culture and brand references are also reviewed: 'Moon Over Mumbai' nail polish is deemed bad due to a dog's dislike, and 'Suzi Takes The Wheel' is labeled sexist. 'Grey Matter' is celebrated for its essential role in survival. 'Dorian Gray' from Oscar Wilde's novel is praised, but its film adaptation is critiqued. The 'Greyhound Bus' system receives a failing grade. 'Grey Goose' vodka is lauded as delicious. 'Grey's Anatomy' is acknowledged for its longevity but deemed to have lost its relevance. '_Grey Gardens_' is endorsed due to its mention in *Gilmore Girls*. 'Grey Poupon' mustard is praised for its taste. 'Grey Area' is disliked for its ambiguity. 'Grey Noise' is given an A+ for its complex scientific definition. 'Gandalf the Grey' is declared unreviewable due to his legendary status. 'Touch of Grey' by The Grateful Dead is surprisingly described as pop-y and a crowd-pleaser. 'The Grey Lady' from *Harry Potter* is given a positive review out of fear. Finally, Liam Neeson's film *The Grey* is, despite its flaws, deemed close to perfection by the author due to it being an action film starring Liam Neeson. The article concludes by listing image sources.
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