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To pee or not to pee: My quest for the best bathroom on campus
The author, Liam Rappleye, a junior at the University of Michigan, embarks on a quest to find the best public bathroom on campus, a pursuit driven by his past experience at Albion College where he had a beloved private bathroom. Rappleye notes that bathrooms are intimate spaces for vulnerable moments and seeks to replicate that solace at his new, much larger institution. He assesses numerous campus restrooms based on factors such as privacy, cleanliness, lighting, and aesthetic appeal. The article categorizes bathrooms into "worst" and "best" to highlight his findings.
Rappleye identifies several bathrooms as undesirable. Mason Hall's bathrooms are criticized for their unpleasant odor, high traffic, dated appearance, and lack of privacy, particularly on the third floor where stall doors are too short. The Hatcher Graduate Library bathrooms are also deemed problematic across all floors, described as consistently stinky, cramped, poorly lit, and featuring stained toilet bowls, which the author speculates are due to age rather than cleanliness issues. Lorch Hall's first-floor bathroom is noted for its excessive heat, making for an uncomfortable experience. The Modern Languages Building (MLB) bathrooms are deemed unavoidable due to their proximity to large lecture halls, often leading to long queues and urine-scented air. A specific criticism of the MLB men's room is the provision of only two urinals, which violates unwritten social rules regarding personal space in public restrooms. In contrast, the Law Library's basement men's room is praised for its Brutalist design, offering numerous private stalls and urinals separated by concrete dividers, which adhere to optimal urinal etiquette.
For the "best" category, Rappleye prioritizes natural lighting, believing it enhances the overall experience of using a bathroom. West Hall's bathrooms are highly commended for their abundant natural light, derived from large windows, and their tidy, well-maintained condition. They feature a mix of vintage pink tiling and modern designs, catering to diverse preferences. The relatively low foot traffic in West Hall also contributes to a more personal and sacred atmosphere. Rackham Hall's first-floor bathrooms are described as massive and grandiose, adorned with marble and creative lighting, providing a luxurious experience. While impressive, their opulent nature makes them less suitable for an everyday private sanctuary. The author amusingly recounts attempting to use a landline phone found in Rackham's bathroom lobby, highlighting its unique features.
Ultimately, Rappleye discovers his ideal bathroom by chance: an unmarked door leading to a secluded, clean, naturally lit space with a plant and a chair. This private sanctuary offers a sense of safety and calm, fulfilling his need for a personal space for reflection and reprieve. He decides not to disclose its location, emphasizing that the search for a personal favorite bathroom is a subjective journey, encouraging others to undertake their own quest. The article concludes by inviting readers to find their own ideal campus bathroom.
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